We hear it all the time: "He just won't make a commitment," "She just wants some space right now," or - now -
"I just need more time..."
What does having a fear of commitment really mean? Generally speaking, it means that you,
or someone you are involved with, isn't ready to take your relationship to the next level.
But how do you know if you or your partner is truly afraid of commitment? Do these excuses sound familiar?
"I'm not sure if I'm ready for a serious relationship," or "I'm just under a lot of stress right now."
Often, we want to accept these reasons because we are afraid to look at what lurks behind them.
Other times, we are confused by our feelings and may perceive mixed messages from the other person.
So, how do you evaluate our ability to make a long-term commitment? How do you know if he/she is really ready or
willing - or just making excuses? There are a couple of issues you can examine.
The first may be an actual fear of commitment.
If this is the problem, it may help for the person with the fear of commitement to ask themselves the following:
- Do you get anxious when you think about being together "forever"?
- Are you afraid you might choose the wrong person?
- Are you concerned that you would be a bad mate?
- Do you fear losing your freedom?
- Are you afraid of having a bad marriage?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it might be a good idea to look at where these
feelings come from. Once you understand them better, you may choose to work on changing them so you can
a more satisfying relationship.
Another thing to consider when it comes to being afraid of commitment is that you may simply need more time or emotional growth
before you are ready to make a long-term commitment. There may be several realistic factors that influence your fear or
you have have good reasons for staying single at this time.
Exploring these issues with a therapist may help you to determine what you will need in the future in order to be comfortable
when making a commitment.
Greater self-knowledge can help you to overcome blocks to building a lasting and satisfying relationship.
Another issue is the inability to make a commitment to a particular relationship. In reality, this may not be the right
partner for you. In this case, you may need to explore the true level of involvement with each other.
Is there a genuine connection or is there a vague feeling of something missing? Couples counseling can often help
in this instance by helping you to sort out whether or not you and your partner have a future together.
