Anxiety often causes feelings of shame, so people try to hide the anxiety and its effects from their partners. When that happens, their partners may think that they are withdrawing from them.

Alternately, if partners are told about the anxiety and how it operates they can be involved in working against it. For example, the voice of anxiety usually has people focus on what might go wrong. A partner can counter that voice through gentle and consistent reassurance.

It is important for the reassurance not to become pushy, since anxiety often begins because of the pressure of cultural messages to perform. Reproducing that pressure in the couple relationship may exacerbate the problem. Instead, the partner can help the person focus on what is going well and what is most interesting and pleasurable. If the partner is aware that anxiety stands in the way of certain goals, they can join together in reaching these goals a little bit at a time.

How Anxiety Affects Couples

It is no secret that it can be very difficult being an individual who struggles with anxiety and that is can have an the impact on the person’s relationship. I’ve seen a number of people in my couples counseling practice where anxiety is wreaking havoc on the individual, their partner, and the relationship itself.

In many instances, anxiety is not the presenting issues when a couple comes for counseling. They might see me to learn better communication tools, work through resentment, infidelity or any other number of issues. When it starts to become evident that one of them are depressed or highly anxious, my attention will usually shift to taking a look at how this might be intertwined with the presenting issues and it usually is. After all, so much of the person’s self concept is usually wrapped up in the anxiety.

How Couples Counseling Can Help

Ideally, the person struggling with anxiety is willing to take a look at how it is affecting the relationship. In some cases, there may be denial of this or minimization of the situation. This is where it can be really tricky for their partner who might be really worried, feel stuck or not heard, or generally hopeless about getting their relationship back on track.

The best case scenario is both partners acknowledging that anxiety is a problem, it’s impact on everyone, and a willingness to tackle it together in a highly supportive atmosphere.