The following are some general guidelines for expressing feelings that couples sometimes forget:

• Try to be specific rather than general about how you feel. Consistently using only one or two words to say how you are feeling, such as bad or upset, is too vague and general. What kind of bad or upset? (irritated, mad, anxious, afraid, sad, hurt, lonely, etc.).
• Specify the degree of the feelings, and you will reduce the chances of being misunderstood. For example, some people may think when you say, "I am angry" means you are extremely angry when you actually mean a "little irritated".
• When expressing anger or irritation, first describe the specific behavior you don't like, then your feelings. This helps to prevent the other person from becoming immediately defensive or intimidated when they first hear "I am angry with you", and they could miss the message.
• If you have mixed feelings, say so, and express each feeling and explain what each feeling is about. For example: "I have mixed feelings about what you just did. I am glad and thankful that you helped me, but I didn't like the comment about being stupid. It was disrespectful and unnecessary and I found it irritating".

• Express feelings productively.
• Respectfully confront someone when you are bothered by his or her behavior.
• Express difficult feelings without attacking the self-esteem of the person.
• Clarify for you and the other person precisely what you feel.
• Prevent feelings from building up and festering into a bigger problem.
• Communicate difficult feelings in a manner that minimizes the other person's need to become defensive, and increases the likelihood that the person will listen.

To learn more about how I work, visit my website at RandiFredricks.com, or call ().