In the initial stages of a relationship romance is everywhere. Partners do many little and big things to show each other that
they are special. Many small deeds abound to demonstrate to partners that they are constantly being thought of and that their
preferences, wishes, and needs are a priority.
As infatuation fades and, hopefully, a more mature love evolves, often the romance fades also. This can signal the beginning
of taking each other for granted and assuming that it is not necessary to show love in all those countless little ways.
As normal day-to-day challenges present themselves, if the relationship is not equipped to process and express disagreement,
anger, and other negative feelings then resentments and unresolved feelings accumulate and block the energy needed for thoughtful
and romantic gestures. The absence of these gestures leads, often, to a sense of disconnection and emptiness between partners.
In the beginning of relationship healing, before romantic energy resurfaces naturally, there are some interventions to jump-start
a feeling of romance back into the relationship. One method is to think back to a time when the relationship was passionate and
connected. What were you or your partner doing differently? How can you incorporate those behaviors into the current relationship?
A relationship therapist can help both partners accurately assess what target-specific behaviors would convey the most positive
sense of caring and how to deliver these behaviors in the most effective way to restore that connected "I-am-so-in-love-with-you"
feeling on which relationships thrive and prosper.
When the Romance is Gone
In our busy world it’s easy for the feeling of romance to fade away. We begin to think thoughts like, "There’s just no fire there," or
"He doesn’t love me anymore," or "She acts like I’m her brother, not her lover," or "It feels like we’re just living together as roommates."
As a therapist, I hear this from men and women all the time.
What’s going on when the passion fades and the romance vanishes? One problem may be unrealistic expectations. Every day won’t feel as exciting as the first time you kissed.
Still, when weeks and weeks go by with no romance, there’s a problem. Often what has happened is that we have forgotten to treat our partner
with care and respect. We have misplaced our priorities and let other things distract us from moment-by-moment care for our partner.
A good relationship is based on much more than good sex. But couples who let physical passion drift away lose an essential emotional
connection to each other. Often the feelings of romance and attraction that first drew together a man and woman get lost over time.
This is because the couple fails to recognize, appreciate and understand the natural differences between the sexes.
This lack of understanding can lead to feelings of rejection, frustration, and, ultimately, to sexual and emotional distance.
It is, of course, possible to rekindle the romance in your relationship, improve your sex life, and in all likelihood the quality of your partnership.
San Jose Couples Counseling
